Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Tom Petty Had It Right

The Waiting Is The Hardest Part.

Between waiting for Sterling and waiting for news on the newborn we are pursuing as well, Brian and I will be champion "waiters" when we do have our children home. Patience has NEVER been a virtue of mine - which is, I suppose, precisely why this is happening to us. It's definitely a skill I needed to work on. It isn't fun, but I know it's worth it. I trust God, I know everything will work out the way it is supposed to, and I know my patience is so much better than it used to be. But, the waiting is still hard.

That being said, I wanted to clarify some things for you:

1) We are not buying our children. The money for an overseas adoption pays mostly for travel, living arrangements overseas, and facilitation costs. Facilitation costs = paperwork completion and translation, lawyer's fees, legal fees, assistance with the country's adoption process, and someone to be there to help us get everything we need from in country.

2) Yes we know there are plenty of kids in America that need families. We are on a domestic list. We have been on a domestic list for 6 months. We are pursuing a domestic adoption. The problem is, in our country, money goes a long way. Agencies can charge what they want for services. There is no regulation of the agencies here. Believe it or not, it is easier and it takes less time to adopt from overseas. And, our foster care system is pretty decent. Overseas these children have nothing. When they turn 5 they are institutionalized. Yep, you read that right, They are put in mental institutions - with adults. Most don't live through the first year. The children that are immobile or have physical limitations are often tied down to their cribs. Please don't try to "find" me a child in the United States. We are pursuing a domestic adoption already and we are working with a network we are very happy with.

3) No, we are not rich. Neither are the majority families whom adopt. Brian and I are very lucky, Sterling had a generous grant thanks to a celebrity benefactor who donated a large sum towards his adoption. Most of these families have children already (we are one of the few who do not) and are completing their adoption through fundraising efforts and the help of family friends, family, and even LOANS. We are two-thirds of the way to being fully funded. This is very exciting for us. We only have the last push to be ready to go!

4) Yes, we "know what we are getting into." We chose this path. It is the right path for us. We are happy and excited. Please be a part of our happiness and joy, please don't try to talk us out of it. It won't work and it will upset us. All parenting is a lifelong commitment - not just the parenting of children with special needs.

5) Yes, we are pursuing two adoptions. Yes, we want two children with Down Syndrome. This is VERY common. There are many benefits to having 2. I'm not getting into it, I just want to point out that this is what we are doing.

This post seems like a rant. We have GREAT friends. But we have friends who do not understand our motivations, who do not have the same beliefs we have, and who feel like we are rushing into this. THIS IS WHAT WE WANT. Please trust us! Please be supportive! Please pray for us! But please don't give us your advice or opinions with the thought you are going to change our minds. You will not, you will only hurt our feelings. Believe it or not, some of our biggest supporters have been strangers. We have met many great families in this process and have made lots of new friends. We enjoy talking with families who have done this before and who are doing it now. It's awesome meeting new people and making new friends. We love ALL our friends and our families. Please be HAPPY for us! We are soooo excited and thrilled.

If you are nervous for us please consider reading the following:

1) Babies with Down Syndrome
2) Gifts
3) Gifts 2
4) Noah's Dad's Blog ( Rick posts DAILY about life with a baby that happens to have DS. His life is NORMAL! Babies with DS are more like typical babies than they are different. Don't believe me? Have doubts? Do some reading! :) It'll make you feel better. And it will put you in our shoes!
5) Look at these pictures... and read what the parents have to say about their little ones.
6) The Bible - we are all adopted Ephesians 1:3-8 I have been chosen by God and adopted as His child.

Thanks for reading! Don't worry about us!!! Be happy!


  1. Thanks for your post. We haven't committed to a child yet but I am sure once we do and announce it we will get the same sort of response. I do want to say that we did adopt from the foster care system and it was extremely painful. We had a baby placed with us when she was 2 1/2 months old. She had been beaten and shaken. Her parents had drug and alcohol abuse problems. Yet after 18 months of her being in our home the courts gave her parents another chance and she started to do overnight visits with them at the half-way house. In the end they decided it would be best if we adopted her but the courts would have given her back if her parent's had not made that decision. So I plan on asking people if they have tried being foster parents because I already took that route. Also, it is very hard to adopt a child with DS from the US because we abort them here. I think people should just be happy that there are people in the world willing to adopt children other than a perfect healthy newborn period. Anyway, sorry for the long comment but I wanted to let you know that you have the support of this stranger :)

  2. Amen!!!! You have no idea how may posts like this I have started and then deleted out of fear. For those that do not support families in this process only reveals their fears not our shortcomings. God has such amazing plans for these children and I am fairly certain many people will be eating crow at some point in the future;op

  3. I totally agree with your comment about strangers being the most supportive. That has been our experience so far, the people you would expect to be the MOST supportive and on board with this idea are the know you will always have our support! :)

  4. I'm so proud of you two. You must ignore the naysayers and do what is in your hearts.Let's bring Sterling home as soon as possible!